- Did you know all packets of crisps expire on a Saturday? If you are ever stranded without your trusty calendar, simply open the nearest packet of crisps - if they are stale, you can be sure that at least one Saturday has passed.
- I don't read books. It's just someone else's voice in your head, and that's just schizophrenia.
- Do you find that your printer often runs out of ink? Try a long, sustained yell during the printing process. This provides encouragement for your printer, and the vibrations from your voicebox also help to rattle out additional ink from those stringy ink cartridges. I am now the proud owner of several HD prints of Mona the Vampire.
- I like watching 'Police Interceptors' on the tele. I can feel my legs twitching along as they run after the criminals. I enjoy it when they call people 'fella' and 'chap'. I tried to call a security guard 'fella' once.
- Undecided whether to go for a 1 or 2 back-and-sides this upcoming autumn.